Currently Reading: Dear Fatty, Dawn French
Currently Feeling: Sick & "I'll just forget you lived"
I lead a very dramatic life, each day a different drama befalls me.
Yesterday, for example, I went to the cinemas with an old friend.
We'd been really close a few years back. A few "i love you's" sort of ruined everything, I ignored him for over two years, he left the state, i left the state, and now we're both back and finally caught up. Slightly awkward, but that passed. We got some lunch, brought the movie tickets, and went to a bar to kill the 45 minutes before the movie.
A few champagnes later and I'm apologizing for the past few years, sorry for ignoring you and making my sister answer your calls saying I'm in the shower.
He reaches over, takes my hands and says its okay, its in the past, we're fine. He does the whole, who knows what could have happened..... See, he's engaged now. Getting married next week actually. So really, this is no time for regrets.
We go to the cinema, sit down, start watching the previews and ads. I do notice we're sitting with our arms right next to each other, but whatever. We're mature adults, and besides, he's getting married!
Half way through the movie I'm feeling pretty cold. So I'm rubbing my arms and he leans over and asks if I'm okay. Just cold, I reply. So he being the gentlemen he is, puts his arm around me and I snuggle into him, continuing to watch the movie.
At some point later, he nudges me to sit up. And he kisses me. Again, again, again, again, again.
And he says,
"I'd really like to spent a few hours with you, if you'd let me"
And now he wants to sleep with me. Perfect.
I start having visions of his bride to be storming up the movie aisle.
"I can't let you do that"
"It's not about me, its about you, and if your okay with it"
"I can't let you do that"
"It's not about me-"
"fine, i can't let you let me do that"
We snuggle back down, every time the couple on the screen kisses he pulls me up to kiss.
Such a romantic.
It ends, and he basically runs down the aisle, and ducks into the toilets. I am beginning to freak out.
Last time was bad enough and nothing even happened then!
I quickly call a friend who saw me through last time's dramas, and said i'd call her back later. I sms'd another friend saying i needed to talk to her and that i would call her asap.
He gets out of the toilets, and we power walk towards the escalator. Just before we get on it, he pulls me to the side and apologizes, saying he's sorry and he hopes that i don't think less of him, its just that he's wanted to kiss me for years. And could he have one last for "old time sakes?"
I don't think so, buddy.
We made strained conversation on the train home, until he gets off, and i quickly call my friends.
Later that night, I sms him: "So....what did today mean? what do you want from me?"
The reply: "today meant....we like each other and there is definitely chemistry there...I don't want anything from you its not like i planned for anything to happen it just happened...to be honest i thought something like that would happen if we caught up and thats why i kept putting it off...i dont know....i just don't want to stuff you around....i'd love to catch up and stay in contact and be friends but we have to be honest and figure out if we can do that."
I say he has to work out what HE wants, he's the one getting married after all.
He says "well i know that now....i stuffed up...i'm sorry....genuinely sorry...i thought we could catch up as just friends but obviously we can't...probably best we don't catch up again....again i'm sorry"
As you'll all grow to learn, i can't leave things be.
Several hours later i sms him again: "So much has happened over the years. so much. i'm happy about your decision. i think you made the right choice. it doesn't hurt any less though. so many thoughts, so much happening. i honestly had those thoughts too but i had hoped....i don't know. i'm going to miss you. so much. good luck next week."
The reply: "yeah i agree with everything you said....been great knowing you you're a wonderful person....sadly and somberly i say goodbye"
So basically he picked his new wife (did i really expect him to leave her?) over me, and i have to move on.
For the past 12 hours or so i've been watching movies and feeling sorrier for myself every time characters kiss.
To top everything off, i've caught my bosses cold and literally feel like crap, as well as emotionally.
Just as well tonight was the night that i was supposed to celebrate finishing TAFE this year with my TAFE girls. Booze and girly gossip would have been great, if i wasn't feeling this sick.
ARGH
♥ Drama Queen
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